Good afternoon to you all!
I'm recently listening to Fiona Apple - Every Single Night (i'll put it up below), it gave me a push to write a bit and vent about how my life is right now...
I've been having such a hard time putting my mind to sleep when it's time for bed because I've got so much to think about (of course) I'm sure everyone's got one of those days that your mind just can't shut it...well yes I have been going through that and so I've been tiring myself out in order to just knock out by the time I lay in bed. I have this habit of worrying, and I've got this unhealthy dose of medicine called self-doubt (mentioned this from my last recent post) that I give myself every day...I do have confidence, it just gets pushed aside a lot...I know I have the potential to do my best -everyone does- and I guess..no I know for sure I am the only one stopping myself..why? Because I'm completely terrified of what may happen..the future is a mystery..its me going in blind as I'm taking another step on a tight rope, afraid to fall, afraid of disappointment, and afraid that I wont be able to come up from it...why should I take a risk? Why? Because I don't want to ever regret not being able to do something when I've got an opportunity to reach up and grab it...so then why question yourself? Why? Because I simply can't help it.. I'm a crazy and silly 20 year old girl who walks on clouds, which is impossible because no one can walk on clouds...sigh..my mind is a jumble mess hahaha I think I'll end my little ramble for now...
hahaha oh dear...welcome to my head :)
-Heliely
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