Personal Post 05.14.12

Good afternoon to you all!


I'm recently listening to Fiona Apple - Every Single Night (i'll put it up below), it gave me a push to write a bit and vent about how my life is right now...


I've been having such a hard time putting my mind to sleep when it's time for bed because I've got so much to think about (of course) I'm sure everyone's got one of those days that your mind just can't shut it...well yes I have been going through that and so I've been tiring myself out in order to just knock out by the time I lay in bed. I have this habit of worrying, and I've got this unhealthy dose of medicine called self-doubt (mentioned this from my last recent post) that I give myself every day...I do have confidence, it just gets pushed aside a lot...I know I have the potential to do my best -everyone does- and I guess..no I know for sure I am the only one stopping myself..why? Because I'm completely terrified of what may happen..the future is a mystery..its me going in blind as I'm taking another step on a tight rope, afraid to fall, afraid of disappointment, and afraid that I wont be able to come up from it...why should I take a risk? Why? Because I don't want to ever regret not being able to do something when I've got an opportunity to reach up and grab it...so then why question yourself? Why? Because I simply can't help it.. I'm a crazy and silly 20 year old girl who walks on clouds, which is impossible because no one can walk on clouds...sigh..my mind is a jumble mess hahaha I think I'll end my little ramble for now...


hahaha oh dear...welcome to my head :)




-Heliely

05.11.12

I've been coupled a lot lately with both passion and confusion, passion to be head strong in what I would hope to be and to reach, yet confused with my self-doubt...I've bumped into some research about self-compassion and self talk, and I've learned that humans are so quick to encourage others but still fail to encourage themselves. We give ourselves so much judgement and so much weight on ourselves...and I guess at this point I just need that much more encouragement from others and most especially myself. I know that having a positive outlook in life and in current situations will help a great load, I just need to act upon it.

On another note-- God leads, but I need most especially to do my part.

I hope you all continue to like what you see, and see how much I'll grow in the future :)

With a great load of gratefulness,
Heliely